How can I continue to learn about everything and not go insane? I sit and watch videos that take people into our galaxy and my head spins endlessly. Questions trips over themselves to be the first one my mind pays attention to, and connections spring into existence and die almost simultaneously as I realize their value. Everything seems so connected, and yet I feel like I’m trying to grasp some illusory object in my hands and figure it out. It feels as though pieces of my head are floating away, off to hunt different answers down, but I’m just trying to keep it all together and focus on the information being presented now. I watch people present Bolshoi predictions and feel like crying. I am constantly being upgraded and downsized, handed answers that people years ago never fathomed the human race would arrive at, and what am I to do with all that is available at my fingertips? How does one manage the scores of information and pleasure that our senses are constantly providing at the same time as attempting to understand the knowledge that hundreds of years of studying has produced? It’s an onslaught, and I don’t know where to settle myself in in this world. Learning is addictive; to realize we can find even some of these answers is almost mind blowing. But how do I marry my urge to understand and help people with this seemingly biological thirst for facts? I want to know. The reaction to finding things out is twofold, a concurrent excitement at hearing the truth with an instant craving for more, more, more. I don’t want to specialize; I want to connect it all- the workings and structure of a brain to that of a cell, to that of the Universe. I can almost feel it, this underlying theme that ties it all together but I can’t find it, the whole picture isn’t clear, and it’s like a divine torment for my brain to try and work through. I will die before I know. I will reach the limitations of my abilities. But it is delightful to realize even that.
Note to self:
Stop watching National Geographic when deadlines are approaching
people are always like “if I had a time machine, I’d go and visit the medieval times” or some dumb shit like that. You know what I’d do if I had a time machine? Young Harrison Ford.